It baffles me most at times when certain tales of immorality among church brethren finds its way into my ears. those who know me personally would testify to the fact that I’m not even much of a religious person. As always, I love my back seat in the church from where I sit and monitor the activities going on. sometimes, I criticise the preachers, and at other times, are busy myself watching pretty ladies and fine wives of pastors and etc. (I know what you are thinking, drop it) church for me was a routine (maybe still is) but I’ve never found hope therein.
sometimes during Sunday school, I’d engage my teachers in heated arguements about the true nature of God, the origin of evil, the sin of Satan etc… often throwing them off balance. I’d question the idea of pastors making money off their poor members and church owned institutions of learning being too expensive for the members whose tithes and offerings helped build it. I was an advocate of the devil, or so it seemed. I made enemies of unlikely friends.
Today, a new question bothers me. pastors sleeping with church members, choirs making out with themselves, politics within the ranks of pastors and deacons, suggestive dresscodes among church youths etc. anger and hatred brewing in the hearts of members, terrible addictions enslaving the leaders and members alike. it scares me how difficult it seems leading a sound Christian life. the affair doesn’t seem attractive to me and the whole churchroom theatrics appears more and more deceptive antics to exchange money for the promise of hope. I wish God would see me, just me…. the peace and happiness I seek I couldn’t find. and each time I settle for a bottle of Guineas, I sense that feeling of ecstacy dawn on me. I’d feel calmer, safer, careless, hopeful and glad so much so that I’m mostly forced to want to think God lives in the beer Parlor other than the church.
Guess, I need a philosophic kind of gospel….one without condemnation, one without tradition… kus even the fear of hell had been entirely unable to deter me from sin, and the church doesnt seem to be headed down the right path….
Posted from Sweetest Nostalgia